why i am awesome/why boys should want to date me

I wouldn't at all consider myself to be a cocky person, and I'm not even that confident... but I do think that I am a great catch, and that means a lot. All girls should believe this to be true about themselves! You're all faaaabulous. ;) 

After my last ~breakup, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I deserve in a relationship and from a love interest. I think I deserve a great deal because umm... I'm awesome. Woo! Anyways, this entry is my personal *learning to love myself* post.

Why I'm awesome and why boys should want to date me: 

1) I'm pretty intelligent. Okay, okay... So I don't get the best grades, but my GPA does not reflect my level of intelligence at all. I love learning! I love conversation! I love thinking and figuring things out! I have many valid opinions and for the most part, I think reasonably and logically. But, I will be the first one to admit that I've had my fair share of blonde moments, but please don't let that dissuade you from thinking that I am worthy of being deemed intelligent. Pshhhttt.

2) I'm pretty. My boyfriend tells me that I'm pretty all the time, and I usually just respond with something negative or just say, "naaah." I don't even know why I do it. I'm not fishing for compliments, and I don't want him to become frustrated by my replies and never say it... but I have the hardest time just being like, "yeah you're right," or even saying thank you.  Whyyyy? I spent my entire life feeling more insecure than you could possibly imagine. Starting at the age of eight, my mom would look at me and tell me how much better of a body she had at my age, how I was too chubby and should go on a diet, and how bad my skin and hair looked.  Everything about my looks was under constant scrutiny from someone whose opinion I thought was very important, so of course I was going to have some issues with ~self esteem. I have big ass teeth, no lie. But I've grown into them and really quite like them! I say I don't, but I do. When I was in fifth grade, some girls in my class drew a picture of a beaver with huge teeth and titled it "Kelsey." They stuck it in my desk and glared at me with evil little smirks on their faces as they saw my mouth tremble from trying to hold back tears after I saw it. Girls are such bitches! Whatevs, those bitches are having babies n shit already anyways. But back to where I was going with this, I started out as such an ugly little slug. Big glasses, big teeth,  freckles, emaciated looking, pale skin, poor kid clothes... and now, well, I'm pretty much still all of those besides the skinny part and I'm more than okay with it. I don't wish to be anyone else. I can improve myself in certain areas, but I don't think its a necessity. I have a cute body and what I would consider to be a "pretty face." I like how I look, I like my style, yep... prettyyy :) I like being able to say that.

Creative date ideas...

1. go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence

2. go to a major chain bookstore and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books

3. have her dress up as a ghost and you dress up us pacman. walk around downtown holding hands, and whenever anyone sees you two, pretend to be embarrassed, and run off screaming “wocka wocka wocka.”

4. create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen

5. dress up as superheroes and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”

6. build forts out of furniture and blankets and wage war with paper airplanes.

7. try and visit as many people as you can in one night and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can without them noticing.

8. go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.

9. write a piece of fiction together. outside at a cafe. ask strangers when you get stuck.

10. dress to the nines, pretend to be married, and test drive very expensive vehicles at an auto dealership.

11. do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. have an unabashed good time!

12. in the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. bring a sun umbrella.

13. drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. with fake names.

14. go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. randomly cheer for both teams. eat lots of cracker jack.

15. go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things

16.  walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras

17. with camera and pair of boots, make photo-log of a day in the life of the invisible man.

18. walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn

19, go to a restaurant and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.

20. rent a movie you’ve never seen before. set on mute and improvise dialogue.

I didn't write any of the above ideas, I found it somewhere online and clicked past before I could save it! Oops. Anyways, what do you think about them? I think a few of them are really cute, like going to a random athletic game and cheering on both teams, and the dressing up as a super hero thing! I've never been on a really ~creative date before so I'm intrigued. Do people actually do things like this, though?

are we breaking up? pt 2 (how to survive a split)

It seems as though not many people have been fortunate enough to escape the inevitable wrath of a bad breakup... Sometimes these splits are mutual and uncomplicated, but often times breakups are rough and hard to cope with. Alas, there is hope! Having gone through a few terrible breakups myself; I can attest to the fact that though things may seem pretty unpromising at first, they will get better.  There are just a few key things that you should keep in mind...

1) There was life before him, and there will most definitely be life after him.

After being with someone for a long period of time, they usually become part of your daily routine. Whether its waking up to a "good morning" text from that person, seeing them on a daily basis, or falling asleep only after they call... its important to remember that once upon a time; you were single, they weren't there to do these things for you, and you were fine. Post-heartbreak, its easy to make yourself believe that you will never get over these sad feelings, that you'll love this person forever, and that you will never be okay again... but there is life after love. Breakups have been happening since the beginning of mankind, so remember: you are not alone, unimaginable amounts of people have been through what you're feeling, and you will survive!

2) Its okay to cry!

I've never been the type to try to hide my emotions, but I've seen it happen a lot. In my opinion, its best to look at the end of a relationship like a death... because well, it really is. This part of your life is over, and its necessary for you to mourn the loss. So, spend a couple days watching sad movies and bawling your eyes out... get it out! Dress in black and write crappy poetry if you need to! It's not easy to just go out and start living your life again, so you need to give yourself this grief period to relieve your sadness. Just--don't dwell on the sad thoughts, accept the fact that it is truly over, and move on.

3) Don't be the crazy ex!

Oh man, been there.. done that. After my last breakup I would definitely consider myself the crazy ex. After some serious facebook stalking, I convinced myself that he indeed had another girlfriend just days after we had broken up and surely enough I added this girl, messaged her, obsessed over her pictures and how much "prettier she is" than me.. and continued to send him drawn out messages filled with anger and resentment. Do I now regret this? Most definitely. This is the advice I wish I had been given: talking to him/harassing/stalking/etc... won't change things, fix things, or make anything better at all. Once the sadness is gone its natural to just start feeling straight out angry, but you shouldn't let your rage get the best of you. When your head becomes less clouded with emotions, you don't wanna have to look back at what you've done and be ashamed of yourself.  If you need to, deactivate your facebook account so you don't dwell on wall posts, old pictures, etc. If you don't trust yourself... tell a friend to change your password and not let you know what it is until a set date. Don't call, text, or harass your ex in any way... they are just people and nobody is perfect.

4) Get a hobby.

This little piece of advice probably helped me cope the most. I began bellydancing very soon after my last breakup and it was exactly the boost of confidence that I needed. Being broken up with is a major shot to the ego, so take this chance to discover some things that you're good at and that you love to do! If you've always wanted to paint, build rowboats, go fishing, dance, whatever; but never had the time, try it now. Rather than spending the time that you would usually be spending with that other person moping, do something constructive and get busy! 

5) Embrace your loneliness. 

It seems as though after splitting with your significant other, happy couples are just EVERYWHERE. From strangers, to your parents, to your dog... everyones gettin' action but you.  This is where friends and family come into play. Its really helpful to spend  lots of time with your closest family and your best friends... fill this gap that you're feeling inside with relationships more meaningful than romance. Gather up your best friends, go shopping, have a sleepover (doesn't matter how old you are),  your friends are there for a reason. 

6) Time heals everything. 

I know that this sounds corny but its so true, time will heal all wounds. That's probably the last thing you want to hear when you're in the midst of depression but just think of it as a glimmer of hope. Healing is a process, and its not gonna happen overnight.

-- Get it all out, but don't dwell or obsess.

-- After some time goes by, find a total babe to spend some time with!

--Don't lead anyone on. If you're not over your ex make sure your intentions are clear when getting close to someone new. 

--Don't drink!! This could result in very, very bad things. Trust me. 

--Really, don't drink! 

--If you do drink, make sure your friends hide your phone! Don't be silly and drunk dial or text! 

--Exercise. Become to babe you want to be.

--Take things day to day. Don't worry about how you will feel a month from now, worry about how you feel today. 

--Accept it, It really is over. Gather up his/her things and put them in a box. Throw it away, or put it somewhere out of sight. Letting go is really the hardest part.

--Watch lots of funny movies

--Make a "girl power" CD and play it when you're feeling down... hellooooo, Beyonce!

--Don't gossip about the other person.

--Smile. Think about it this way, it is incredible that you even have the ability to feel this deeply about someone. The more you feel, the more human you become. 

--Use this as a learning opportunity. now you know what you do and don't want in your next relationship.Now you know what you should and  shouldn't do if you ever have to go through it again.
--Being single IS NOT a curse! This is a wonderful time to go for your dreams and not have to worry about somebody else. So get dressed up, put ~your face on, go out dancing and celebrate the strong and beautiful person that you are. 

Most importantly, stay strong and don't give up. 

Its hard, but you'll get through it!

xoxo

kels

are we breaking up? pt.1

The first time I ever had my heart broken was one of the most miserable, pathetic times of my life. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and stayed in bed watching country music videos for two days straight. I couldn't even comprehend the feelings I was having. Like, WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME? I knew, logically, that I would feel better soon... that he wasn't really that cute anyways... and that this was just ~part of growing up; but being the emotional tornado that I was, I fuckin' balled my eyes out like it was the end of the world.

I absolutely dreaded the idea of having to go to school and potentially (without a doubt) running into him. Of course, I had to go.. and yes, I ran into him too. What I should have done is smile and walk away with my pride intact. But...what'd I do? Broke down into tears, turned around as quickly as I could, and headed to the bathroom where I'd spend the next half hour watching myself cry in the mirror.

But lets go back in time a bit here, why did we break up anyways? This boy was my first love, the one I lost my virginity to, my first for pretty much everything...I adored him!  He was one of the "popular" guys...he played sports year round, got good grades, and came from a respectable religious family; while I was the weird new girl who dressed in black. We met at homecoming my freshman year; he approached me, told me his name, and we ended up sharing a dance that was a bit too promiscuous for anyone's liking. But what did I know? I was new! At my old school, people were all about bumpin' n grindin'.  Anyways,  as I was dippin' it low with this new cute boy... he asked me if I'd want to hang out again... and we did, and we totally hit it off.

 Oh yeah, back to why we broke up. We dated for probably 7 months before we split (the first time). We were sitting on my front porch and he told me that we needed to talk. Blah, blah, blah... he told me a bunch of unimportant things that I don't remember, and one thing I do remember. "I am seventeen years old, I am sexually frustrated, and summer is coming."   

As soon as those words came from his mouth, my face turned red and became drenched with tears. . His confession about sexual frustration and the fact that he just legit wanted to get laid over the summer was straight up TMI, and a total dick move. But pretty funny now that I think about it. Nevertheless, I totally flipped out. And he had the nerve to say, "I still want to be friends, though."  Guys just don't get it sometimes. Infuriated, I stayed silent until he left. As soon as his car was out of sight, I just leaned against a wall and let my body fall to the ground. I cried, cried and cried... and after my three day country-music-sob-fest, I got over it...


You should too.

Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid

 

Almost every journal I've had since the sixth grade has been covered proudly in gel pen scribbled hearts, lustful daydreams, and the ever changing initials of whatever boy I was crushing on at the time. Somehow, in between the pages of hate-filled rants directed towards my crazy-redhaired mother, my all too rural hometown, and my experiences with school related drama... there was always room for things like "I luv Keith sOo much!" or "I wonder if I shOuld give Craig a chance... He is SO hOtt!"

Eventually this innocent boy-crazyness evolved into detailed crush lists and confessions about making out, heart break, hooking up, my virginity, my first love, and tons of other things...
           Several boyfriends, crushes, kisses, spit swapping-boob grabbing-oh my god we got to second base-dry humping sessions, and a rendezvous or two with unrequited love later...

Romance, passion, love and lust remain enormously important parts of my every day musings and adventures. So, The Love Monster is born.

This blog is about young love, old love, young lust, heartbreak, crushing, hot boys, even hotter girls, kissing, cuddling, relationships, sex, ~the single life, fashion, dating, growing up, and my advice/ contemplations on them all.  XOXO KELS