She got a donk'

she's a whooty, a white girl witha booty
i know this girl named melissa and her ass the soffest tissue
she got everybody hatin' cuz her booty is official
i say "whooty" they say "whooty?" i say "white girl wit a booty"
and it seem like when i look around it's contagious like the cootie
im talkin 36, 24, 48
her last boyfriend left her back at home cuz he thought she was overweight
you ain't gotta put no d's on it
i jus wanna squeeze on it.   

I've been jealous of big bootie girls since the good ole days of wearing sweatpants with words like "flirt" and "hottie" written across the ass.

Example:

But these days weren't pleasant ones for me. Why ? Well, because I am in no way a whooty, and definitely wasn't back then. My ass is flatter than a lake without wind, and I'm barely exaggerating.  Middle school was about the time that these ass emphasizing pants really took off in popularity, and middle school was also a time where most people I knew began to embrace different aspects of "hip hop culture," and a bangin' but was a total necessity. The boys in my school used to "make" the girls stand in a line and turn around so they could judge their asses by how nice they were. And of course, the horny little preteen girls always obliged. Who knows, maybe I would have participated too if I was ~invited. I can remember one boy approaching the circle of girls that I was standing with and asking them if he could "check out their jeans..." which really meant, take a good look at their behinds. Before the girls could even react, he smugly said, "Uhh, but not you Kelsey...you're already out."  o ok. My friends all laughed at me and continued to giggle about how cute that boy was while turning around and lifting up their matching Limited*Too windbreaker jackets so that the boy and his friends could judge their butts. Keep in mind, I went to a semi urban school at this time and these kids really had no shame. Slappin and grabbin' asses was no big thing. Maybe its a good thing that I didn't have much of a butt though, seeing as most of my old big bootie friends started having babies before high school was over....

sucks for you, bitches!

But how does having a not-so-voluptuous ass effect my life currently?
Well, I don't look good in jeans without pockets, I could never be in a hip-hop music video, I can't "make it clap," and I cant "crank dat apple bottom," either.  That seems to be it though... but according to R&B singer Mario, a flat ass is a health risk, as he states in his song Boom, 
"I wanna see the women catching the wall
Unless she got that disease: no ass at all."


Damn, so what could a lady do to get herself a superfly backside?
Surgery is always an option! Yes, if you don't like your butt you should immediately go out and get implants. This will solve all of your self esteem issues. I mean, look at this chicks rear end after getting some fake cheeks put in...

Thats hot, right? Oh wait, no... its not.

What it comes down to is, if your ass is flat... you've got nothin' to hide! High waisted jeans look better on you anyways, you dont have to struggle to put your pants on, and you don't have to worry about knocking things over when you walk around! Sweeeet. Although, it would be nice to have a LITTLE something there to make me look like less of a boy, but its alright.

So basically, this post goes out to all the girls out there with flat butts. I feel you!


XOXO
KELS