are we breaking up? pt 2 (how to survive a split)

It seems as though not many people have been fortunate enough to escape the inevitable wrath of a bad breakup... Sometimes these splits are mutual and uncomplicated, but often times breakups are rough and hard to cope with. Alas, there is hope! Having gone through a few terrible breakups myself; I can attest to the fact that though things may seem pretty unpromising at first, they will get better.  There are just a few key things that you should keep in mind...

1) There was life before him, and there will most definitely be life after him.

After being with someone for a long period of time, they usually become part of your daily routine. Whether its waking up to a "good morning" text from that person, seeing them on a daily basis, or falling asleep only after they call... its important to remember that once upon a time; you were single, they weren't there to do these things for you, and you were fine. Post-heartbreak, its easy to make yourself believe that you will never get over these sad feelings, that you'll love this person forever, and that you will never be okay again... but there is life after love. Breakups have been happening since the beginning of mankind, so remember: you are not alone, unimaginable amounts of people have been through what you're feeling, and you will survive!

2) Its okay to cry!

I've never been the type to try to hide my emotions, but I've seen it happen a lot. In my opinion, its best to look at the end of a relationship like a death... because well, it really is. This part of your life is over, and its necessary for you to mourn the loss. So, spend a couple days watching sad movies and bawling your eyes out... get it out! Dress in black and write crappy poetry if you need to! It's not easy to just go out and start living your life again, so you need to give yourself this grief period to relieve your sadness. Just--don't dwell on the sad thoughts, accept the fact that it is truly over, and move on.

3) Don't be the crazy ex!

Oh man, been there.. done that. After my last breakup I would definitely consider myself the crazy ex. After some serious facebook stalking, I convinced myself that he indeed had another girlfriend just days after we had broken up and surely enough I added this girl, messaged her, obsessed over her pictures and how much "prettier she is" than me.. and continued to send him drawn out messages filled with anger and resentment. Do I now regret this? Most definitely. This is the advice I wish I had been given: talking to him/harassing/stalking/etc... won't change things, fix things, or make anything better at all. Once the sadness is gone its natural to just start feeling straight out angry, but you shouldn't let your rage get the best of you. When your head becomes less clouded with emotions, you don't wanna have to look back at what you've done and be ashamed of yourself.  If you need to, deactivate your facebook account so you don't dwell on wall posts, old pictures, etc. If you don't trust yourself... tell a friend to change your password and not let you know what it is until a set date. Don't call, text, or harass your ex in any way... they are just people and nobody is perfect.

4) Get a hobby.

This little piece of advice probably helped me cope the most. I began bellydancing very soon after my last breakup and it was exactly the boost of confidence that I needed. Being broken up with is a major shot to the ego, so take this chance to discover some things that you're good at and that you love to do! If you've always wanted to paint, build rowboats, go fishing, dance, whatever; but never had the time, try it now. Rather than spending the time that you would usually be spending with that other person moping, do something constructive and get busy! 

5) Embrace your loneliness. 

It seems as though after splitting with your significant other, happy couples are just EVERYWHERE. From strangers, to your parents, to your dog... everyones gettin' action but you.  This is where friends and family come into play. Its really helpful to spend  lots of time with your closest family and your best friends... fill this gap that you're feeling inside with relationships more meaningful than romance. Gather up your best friends, go shopping, have a sleepover (doesn't matter how old you are),  your friends are there for a reason. 

6) Time heals everything. 

I know that this sounds corny but its so true, time will heal all wounds. That's probably the last thing you want to hear when you're in the midst of depression but just think of it as a glimmer of hope. Healing is a process, and its not gonna happen overnight.

-- Get it all out, but don't dwell or obsess.

-- After some time goes by, find a total babe to spend some time with!

--Don't lead anyone on. If you're not over your ex make sure your intentions are clear when getting close to someone new. 

--Don't drink!! This could result in very, very bad things. Trust me. 

--Really, don't drink! 

--If you do drink, make sure your friends hide your phone! Don't be silly and drunk dial or text! 

--Exercise. Become to babe you want to be.

--Take things day to day. Don't worry about how you will feel a month from now, worry about how you feel today. 

--Accept it, It really is over. Gather up his/her things and put them in a box. Throw it away, or put it somewhere out of sight. Letting go is really the hardest part.

--Watch lots of funny movies

--Make a "girl power" CD and play it when you're feeling down... hellooooo, Beyonce!

--Don't gossip about the other person.

--Smile. Think about it this way, it is incredible that you even have the ability to feel this deeply about someone. The more you feel, the more human you become. 

--Use this as a learning opportunity. now you know what you do and don't want in your next relationship.Now you know what you should and  shouldn't do if you ever have to go through it again.
--Being single IS NOT a curse! This is a wonderful time to go for your dreams and not have to worry about somebody else. So get dressed up, put ~your face on, go out dancing and celebrate the strong and beautiful person that you are. 

Most importantly, stay strong and don't give up. 

Its hard, but you'll get through it!

xoxo

kels